The Spring 2006 issue of Brain, Child magazine features a terrific story by Lisa Solod, "Mean Girls: The Next Generation." In it she interviews Rosalind Wiseman, the author of Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads : Dealing with the Parents, Teachers, Coaches, and Counselors Who Can Make--or Break--Your Child's Future
You may have seen Rosalind on the Today Show earlier this month or read that Paramount Pictures, which released the hit movie Mean Girls
But do mom cliques exist? After reading the Brain, Child article, I had to find out. As a charter school board president, I have to deal with problem parents on a regular basis. Often I'm amazed if not downright bewildered by their behavior. Maybe Rosalind's book would help me. (Heck, I even made a copy of the article for my school's principal.) So while waiting for the book to be delived to my local library, I did a little research.
First I found Rosalind's article Mom Cliques: Where do you fit in? in April’s Parenting magazine:
“Cliques form when we feel pressured to bond to survive a stressful experience — and there's not much that's more stressful than parenting. No one likes being labeled, but I believe that putting names to these cultural constructs can give us insight into group dynamics and into ourselves.”
Then I searched the mommy blogosphere to see what other's were saying. First I found a quick discription of the cliques at “Another Mommy Moment” in her post What Kind of Mom are You?
Heather O. at “Mormon Mommy Wars” doesn’t believe in them even though some of her snide comments suggest that she may have a little Queen Bee or Wannabee inside her. As she writes in Are you a Queen Bee?
“Give me a break. What about just plain old nice moms who are trying to do what's best for their kids? What about just plain old involved parents who want to be a part of the community? It was a ridiculous analysis of motherhood, and it makes me want to write Parenting a letter and tell them I think they missed the boat.
I think some mothers can be cliquish, of course, but I find that for the most part, when we find some common interest with our children, or we have kids the same age, it's easy to be friends with other moms. O.K., sometimes I think other moms are a little psycho, or I don't like what they feed their kids, or I think they don't discipline their child when he hits or pulls my little angel's hair, but on the whole, I think moms mostly try to get along with other moms. This article suggested that we haven't left behind some of those high school social tendencies that tortured us as teenagers. I disagree.”
Maybe the mom who wrote the article just still can't get over losing the votes for Prom Queen.”
At Blogging Baby, Charlene Prince Birkeland writes in Mom cliques - are you the Queen Bee?
“I honestly don't buy into the popular credo that there is a mommy war, but the mom clique? It's so very real and can be even more damaging than some random woman I don't know who pontificates that a mother's place is in the home. Mom cliques are in your face, everyday. At school drop off, at the park, at birthday parties. You start to wonder when folks will ever reallly grow up.”
In the 33 comments she’s received since writing her post, you see that mommy cliques are indeed real and negatively affecting the lives of so many mothers.
Over at “Reign of Ellen,” in Mommy Cliques she discusses Baby Talk magazine’s article on different types of mommy cliques based on four categories of exclusion: breastfeeding, affluence, working/staying-at-home, and physical beauty. As she writes,
“The world of mommies is just a cliquey as high school. Women are constantly finding new ways to exclude other moms.”
Even though Ellen says she feels included in her local moms groups, she concludes that mommy cliques do indeed exist.
So, what’s your take on mommy cliques?
- Do they exist?
- How have they affected you?
- Are they responsible for the so-called Mommy Wars?
- And - dare I ask - what category do you fit in?
